she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
