Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
