so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
