Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize