i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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