jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
