Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
