She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
