sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
