So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
