Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
