How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize