He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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