Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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