Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
