he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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