This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
