it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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