the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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