I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize