A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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