the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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