Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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