i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
