she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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