I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
