chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
