Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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