She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
