I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
