He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
