Umm I'm too high to move.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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