I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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