At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
