I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
