so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
