I am spending my child support on dildos
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
