the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
