moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
