Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
