i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You smell like stripper and shame
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
