I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
