Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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