Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.

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(512): View more from Texas

Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon

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(435): View more from Utah

Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping

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(914): View more from New York

he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off

(203): View more from Connecticut

well did it work?

(914): View more from New York

it was a success in both ways.

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(702): View more from Nevada

So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.

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