Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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