Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
