i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
