Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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