You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
