I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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