Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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