Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
