i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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