it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
