Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
