plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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