My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
