i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
