I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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