I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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