Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
