your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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