watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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