dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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