I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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