Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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