In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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