plz talk dirty to me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
